"Wo Ai Ni Mommy" Film Screening and Discussion
07/19/2010
Brooke Randolph, LMHC
 Indianapolis group Provocate.org will be presenting "Wo Ai Ni Mommy" (I love you, Mommy) July 21st at the Indianapolis Museum of Art as part of the 7th Indianapolis International Film Festival. Provocate wants to create conversations with lasting impact. Their team has selected several films to illuminate the important issues today, including racism, poverty, and religious conflicts. "Wo Ai Ni Mommy" addresses cultural identities brought through international adoption.
"Wo Ai Ni Mommy" tells the story of the Sadowsky's, an American family, who adopt Fang Sui Yong, an eight year old girl from China. The film shares the cultural struggles that Sui Yong and her family face. Following the film, join filmmakers, experts, activists, and others in a discussion about how adoption impacts Indianapolis families in IMA's Nourish Cafe.
Who: YOU
What: "Wo Ai Ni Mommy" film screening and discussion
When: Wednesday, July 21st 6:45pm
Cost: $10
After the film, please come back and share your thoughts with us here! If you want to submit a guest blog, email a draft to Brooke.
Be the first to comment on this item.
Share:
|
Adoption Hesitation
06/30/2010
Brooke Randolph, LMHC
It seems to be so common when considering adoption as a way of adding to a family that one prospective parent is less sure than his or her partner. (It is not always the prospective father!) There could be many factors that can make one hesitant. It is often the same when considering procreation. We ask if we have the resources to support a child. We ask if we are prepared and capable. We ask how our lives will change beyond adding a person to our household. Such critical consideration is more than appropriate; it is one of the first acts of parenting. 
Parenting is the most difficult, most important job you will ever undertake or be given. As a parent your child depends on you for everything - from food to values to self-esteem. You prepare this child to be an independent, capable, confident, ethical adult. Every choice you make on a daily basis impacts the adult your child will become.
Internally, we all know what we do well and what we have to share, but we also know that we make mistakes or have room for growth. Everyone has something in their life that can be improved. You know you will not be a perfect parent. You may even fear that you will be like your own parent. There is no perfect parent or family. You will make mistakes. You will likely even remind yourself of your own parent at one point or another. It is how you handle the situation when you do make mistakes that will make all the difference to your child. Parenthood is a wonderful opportunity for growth if you are willing to make an honest assessment of yourself. If we allow parenthood to make us into better versions of ourselves, then we will truly be able to provide more for our children than we had ourselves.
How loving to consider if you are prepared enough to be the parent a child needs! When such questions are asked, it is the first step in providing for the needs of a child. It is also putting the child's needs above your own, which is crucial to successful parenting. Although your spouse may be frustrated with your hesitancy, I honor your questions.
Be the first to comment on this item.
Share:
|
Why You Should Read Tintin in The Congo
06/28/2010
Brooke Randolph, LMHC
 In 1931 the Belgian author Georges Remi (1907-1983) under his pseudonym "Herge" wrote Tintin in the Congo, the story of his lucky, young journalist on an adventure in the Belgian colony of Congo. This book has been receiving a lot of press recently due to the controversial nature of it's content. At the time Tintin in the Congo was written, Congo was a colony of Belgium, and the story is written from the perspective of a Belgian citizen. Remi himself has conceded that the story reflects the naive views of the time, including racism, colonialism, and animal cruelty. Revisions of some of the content have been made to more recent editions; however, the illustrations alone have been enough to cause lawsuits. There is a content warning on the UK version that some would like extended to the French language version of Tintin in the Congo. Others would like to see the story banned entirely. The book is not currently in print in the United States.
It may be important for parents of Congolese children to read this book, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. 1931 was not that long ago, and the book could have easily directly influenced those of the Baby Boomer generation. My younger brother often watched animated versions of Tintin stories in the 1990's. ( Tintin in the Congo was not a part of the English television series.) I read many of my aunts' children's books when I visited my grandparents farm as a child. If Tintin in the Congo was the only source to influence someone's understanding of Congo, it could have unconscious detrimental effects on their view of your child's heritage.
We all tend to surround ourselves with those who think similarity to ourselves. It may be easy to forget racism until you have a transracial family, and you start to see and hear the reactions others have to you and your family. Tintin in the Congo may be a very clear depiction of how racism is experienced by your child. Although this may not be a book that you want to keep on the family's bookshelf, it can be helpful for parents to read to better understand both their children and those that (sometimes unintentionally) speak or behave in inappropriate ways.
In addition, depending on the outcome of the current legal proceedings, your child may someday encounter this story. You will best be prepared to address its content with your child if you are already familiar with the story. When your child asks about the history and culture of the Democratic Republic of Congo, what you glean from Tintin in the Congo may be helpful in explaining the relationship between Congo and Belgium.
Parents, will you read Tintin in the Congo or not? How will you explain this story to your children?
Be the first to comment on this item.
Share:
|
Ideas to Throw an Adoption Shower
06/23/2010
Judy M. Miller
All parents should be showered for the arrival of their new child. Adoption showers are my favorite to give. I love the “textures” and “layers” that can be added to this special party. 
- Get an idea of the travel date or the date that the baby is being escorted/arriving home and plan the shower for two to three weeks before that date.
- Get the guest list from the proud parents to be. Make sure it has complete addresses, email addresses, and phone numbers.
- Mail the invitations out three to four weeks ahead of the shower date.
- Include a RSVP date and stick to it.
- Note where the parents are registered and give guests ideas where they can purchase culturally related items for the baby and family.
- Check locally for food items.
- Go online to find country information, products and resources.
- Inquire about guests’ dietary restrictions, including allergies.
- What is the baby’s birth country? It should be honored and reflected in the choice of invitations, decorations, paper goods, linens, flowers, etc. The examples given are for a Chinese adoption, but you can modify the shower for a Congolese, Guatemalan, Domestic, Haitian, etc. adoption. A word of advice: let your imagination run free.
- Use red and gold as your primary colors, these are auspicious colors in Chinese culture.
- If an evening shower, hang huge lit paper lanterns in the trees to greet everyone and to add ambiance. Hang other lanterns throughout the house and outside. The use of lanterns dates back centuries in China.
- Play Chinese music.
- Use paper dragons for centerpieces. Dragons are revered in Chinese folklore and culture.
- Offer chopsticks as optional eating utensils; most guests will try to use them. Chopsticks were invented in China.
- Display a map of China on foam board illustrating what Province the baby was born in.
- Put a book together that the guests can sign. Inside it you can add Chinese proverbs.
- Have a blown up image(s) of the baby’s referral picture for everyone to see.
- Consider making and serving an authentic meal, again to reflect the child’s birth country. (Make note of guests’ dietary restrictions/allergies.)
- Research the foods and their significance. Have place cards for each meal item with and explanation of what it is and a little bit about it.
- Include a special dessert, perhaps a cake with a red thread that runs through it, from China to the State/country the family will be living in. It might be some extra work, but it will be well worth the joy on your parent-to-be faces.
- Encourage guests to dress in attire that reflects the child’s birth country.
Be the first to comment on this item.
Share:
|
The Child That Was Not Adopted
06/20/2010
Brooke Randolph, LMHC
The child that was not adopted will grow up without the love and guidance of parents, without the security and identity of family, and always feeling like the last kid picked for dodgeball. The child that was not adopted has little hope. Depending on his or her country, he or she may have had little access to basic education. Even if he or she does have the opportunity to attend school, he or she will have no one to hold him or her accountable for doing homework or actually learning. The child that was not adopted will have no one to recommend him or her for employment; in many countries, he or she may be given fewer opportunities, including the opportunity to attend college, due simply to his or her status as an orphan.
 The child that was not adopted will age out of the orphanage before most American children are allowed to drive. It is estimated that more than 14 million children age out of orphanages each year. Without a sufficient education, sometimes without even basic literacy, job prospects are limited, especially in countries where poverty is rampant. The child that was not adopted will not have the emotional or financial support of a family. If he or she is able to secure employment, he or she will have never learned how to manage resources, pay bills, or set their own schedule. The child that was not adopted is likely to spend what money he or she does have irresponsibly and be unsuccessful at any employment opportunities he or she may be given. The child that was not adopted is most likely to end up on the street.
The child that was not adopted is likely to turn to crime or prostitution simply to survive. Having never experienced love or personal worth, he or she may learn that sex can bring temporary validation. Yet, he or she may not value him or herself enough to ask for proper protection or may never have been taught about safe sex. The child that was not adopted will want to turn to alcohol or drugs to numb the pain, rejection, and fear; he or she may have never learned any other ways to manage emotions. Up to 15 percent choose suicide before they reach adulthood.
The child that was not adopted is vulnerable and easily taken advantage of by others. He or she is a likely candidate to become a victim of crime. The child that is not adopted is only expected to live into his or her mid-twenties. If I had aged out of an orphanage, I would likely be dead already.
When I walked into an orphanage last Fall, a child that was approximately 12 looked away and would not make eye contact with me. A child that was eight or nine, handed me an infant. It broke my heart to know that these children understood that most people are interested in very young children, and they were already giving up hope. They intimately understand rejection, hopelessness, and an absence of self-worth. Although hurt, most are not damaged beyond repair; they are simply missing what a family provides emotionally. These are the children that ask us to please find a family for them also. My heart breaks for these children; I fear for their future. These are the children most in need of love, a family, and a home.
Please consider how you can help the most vulnerable children in the world. Perhaps you are able to adopt an older child. The Fatherless Foundation provides opportunities for families to host older orphans several times each year, allowing them to find out just how normal these kids can be. If you are not able to adopt, you can donate to such organizations or the adoption fund of another family. If you are interested in starting an orphan/adoption ministry at your church, please contact us for support and resources.
Be the first to comment on this item.
Share:
|
A Father to the Fatherless
06/15/2010
Rick Jones
 God has given me a heart for children. I use this gift every week as I serve in my church’s children’s ministry. Each week I look forward to seeing the children and teaching them about God. It brings me great joy to see how much the kids learn. Yet, I feel that God has a bigger task in store for me. My wife, Diane, and I have struggled through over 6 years of fertility treatments and procedures to have children. Naturally, it has been very difficult for Diane as a woman, but it has been difficult for me, as well. God has given me a strong desire to be a father. Spending several Father’s Days with no living father or grandfather of my own has been difficult for me. As each Father’s Day passed and we were still childless, I questioned why God was doing this. I often wondered why He gave this desire to me and then closed the doors to having children. I didn’t understand until Diane and I started discussing adoption.
There are lots of orphans around the world who need a loving family. God has given me a special gift - the ability to love other children as if they were my own flesh and blood. I know now that God is going to help me use this gift to love two orphans living in Ukraine. I will love them not just “as if” they were my own - they will be my own children. This is precisely what my Father in Heaven did for me in October, 1985. Being an adoptive parent takes a special gift from God. Has God called you to take this step? Consider James 1:27a “ Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this; to look after orphans.” Not everyone is called to adopt, but we are all called to look after the orphans. Every week that I’m teaching the children at church, my goal is to minister to them. Every week, God ministers to me through the children. I know that God will bless Diane and I, and minister to us through the children we adopt. When we began our adoption journey, our focus was to have children. Now, our focus is to rescue two children from an orphanage and give them a future that includes a relationship with Jesus. Looking at the whole picture, I can see that this journey is about the children, not about my own desires.
Perhaps you can relate. Maybe you don’t have a father to spend Father’s Day with either. I want you to know that God promises us in John 14:18 “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” Psalm 68 describes God as “a father to the fatherless”. Reflect upon these verses, pray, and hear what God has to say to you. He has taught me that He is a Father to all of us…especially the fatherless.
Be the first to comment on this item.
Share:
|
DRCongo Adoption News
06/11/2010
Sonja Brown, MA
In response to a recent posting by another US adoption group indicating they are experiencing delays and disappointments with their DRC adoption program and as a result are no longer accepting adoption applications for Congo, MLJ Adoptions, Inc. would like to provide you with the following update:
 MLJ Adoptions, Inc. is not experiencing changes or delays in our Congo adoption process, with one minor exception. We have been advised by our foreign staff that the Congolese Passport office has gone on strike. For clients who have already received their child's Congolese passport this does not effect your adoption. For clients still waiting on their child's passport, please note that the US Embassy can provide permission for an adopted child to travel to the U.S. without a Congolese passport. Should the Congolese passport office continue their strike at the time your child is ready for a passport, we will proceed with obtaining the embassy clearance to allow your child to travel without a passport.
MLJ Adoptions, Inc. works very hard with our foreign staff to have procedures in place to overcome such obstacles. While we have no control over foreign governments and their policies and procedures, we are diligent at doing what we can to keep everyone's adoption process moving forward. It is important to remember that timelines that we give you are alway approximate timelines and, as with any international adoption program and as we have outlined in our contract documents, delays are always possible and beyond our control.
Lastly, please remember, while the internet provides a wealth of information, much of the information can be inaccurate. Your most accurate updates will come from staff members of MLJ Adoptions, Inc. Be the first to comment on this item.
Share:
|