Media

View items by category:
View items by author:
View item archives:

Adoption and the Empty Nester

02/03/2010

Joy McClain

For the most part, friends and family have been extremely supportive of our adoption of a special boy from Ukraine. However, a few times, someone questions us about the timing. They ask why in the world we would choose to bring more children into our home, when ours are beginning to spread their wings and fly out of the nest. It is a time of change in our home; this coming year, our two oldest will be getting married and starting families of their own; while our youngest, is a sophomore in college. One person looked me squarely in the eye and asked, “Don’t you want more time together?” Of course I want more time with my husband, and I don't plan on going anywhere without him. We realize that one challenge of bringing younger children into our lives might possibly mean fewer moments with just the two of us, but we believe the blessings far outweigh that concern.

Actually, we feel better equipped and more confident now than the first time around, when we were young parents with lots of energy but really no clue what parenting would bring. The way we see it, we’ve gone through potty-training, drivers-ed., public school, home school, adolescence, broken-hearts, broken bones, a frustrated teenager slamming doors, and the blossoming of young-adulthood. We know we haven’t seen it all, but we have certainly experienced a lot raising three children.

We are much more relaxed, which can often make for more relaxed children. I think age and the wisdom that should follow allows us to really consider what is important. When my children were young, I worried way too much about keeping the house tidy. It saddens me to think of moments I might have wasted playing with them because I was too worried about the kitchen floor that needed to be mopped. I still like my house clean, but dust doesn’t bother me much anymore. The threat of dirty dishes on the counter or a laundry basket of clothes needing to be folded nowhere near compare to spending time with my family.

I think we enjoy the “wonder moments” of a child more too. In our first round of parenting, we could often by annoyed at the fact that the kids simply wanted to observe life. For instance, getting into the car one day, our kids were fascinated by an ant hill on the patio, while I was more concerned with getting them strapped into the car. Our days were often peppered with words such as: “hurry up", "not now", and "maybe later.” The older my husband and I get, the more wonder we realize the world holds. We aren’t in such a hurry any more; we too, want to stop and admire the things in life that we often rush by.

What better example could we give our young adult children than that of being willing to adopt? We have always desired to teach our children the ways of the Lord. We wanted them to see and experience in their own home a beautiful example of compassion, hospitality, and loving others as yourself. Already, we are seeing the fruit of this example. Our oldest daughter, after her marriage next winter, is hopefully heading down to Mexico to work with the orphans there and hopes to one day adopt lots of babies. Our oldest son, now in seminary has a heart for children and his wife-to-be has an especially tender heart towards special needs children. Our youngest, still in nursing school, is always caring for others and she cannot wait to wrap her arms and heart around her little brother.

While there will come a day when my husband will retire from his job, we don’t necessarily believe in retirement. We love golf, but we don’t want to be about our scores, or migration trips south, or playing cards every night. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of these things, we just want to be about everlasting, relational and eternal things. We are so grateful that the timing for our adoption came later in life. We might not have been the best for that child had it happened sooner. Besides, I might have the wonderful opportunity to ask my children to babysit before I do any babysitting for them.

Be the first to comment on this item.

The Legal Complexities of Adopting and Hosting Children from Haiti

01/29/2010

Michele Jackson, JD

So many hearts and homes have been opened to help the children of Haiti, following the devastating earthquakes. The MLJ Adoptions, Inc. team has volunteered several hours and days, researching reports, confirming details, and making contacts with those in Haiti, in an effort to create opportunities for as many people to help as possible. The situation has been changing and will likely continue to change; however, here is our current understanding and how you may be able to help.

Humanitarian parole is available to orphans that were identified as orphans (legally abandoned) prior to the tragedy. Children that have been orphaned by the earthquakes are not currently eligible for a humanitarian parole visa. Efforts will be made to connect these children to extended family members before legally deeming them an orphan who could be adopted.

MLJ Adoptions, Inc. is involved in a "grass roots" effort to bring Haitian children to the Central Indiana area on a Humanitarian Parole visa. This is a complex and difficult process at this time. While we are hopeful to provide a hosting opportunity, we recognize that we may be limited to our Haitian adoption program.

Human trafficking is always a concern following a tragedy like this and therefore, government are cautious about granting visas and allowing international adoption. As a Hague Approved agency, MLJ Adoptions, Inc. is committed to the protection of children and the prevention of child trafficking.

There is no official moratorium on adoptions in Haiti at this time; however, a concern has been raised about starting new adoptions. Inter-country adoption of children from Haiti will likely be necessary; therefore, we do not anticipate a complete moratorium on Haitian adoptions for quite a while. Even if Haitian adoptions stop for a period of time, due to the orphan crisis in Haiti and Haiti's history of international adoptions, we believe that this will only be temporary and not a permanent termination of adoptions in Haiti. However, there will likely be delays in a Haitian adoption, and there may be a period of time when adoptions are not occurring.

Those in the U.S. and Haitian governments have taken various positions regarding inter-country adoption between the U.S. and Haiti. While some want to ease the process, others would like to stop the process. In the past, Haiti did not require that adoptive parents utilize a licensed agency; however, this is one change that has been suggested. You may want to contact your senator and representative and ask them to support helping the orphans of Haiti and ensuring international adoptions proceed in a safe manner that prevents child trafficking. The U.S. government does have the ability to screen all adoptive parents and keep international adoption safe for the children.

MLJ Adoptions, Inc. is committed to finding loving homes for the orphans of the world. We recognize that just as there is an orphan crisis today in Haiti, there is an orphan crisis every day around the world, with an estimated 147 million orphans world wide. While we continue to research reports, confirm details, make contacts, and create opportunities for you to be involved; we also continue our work in every other country where hosting opportunities and adoptions are currently more predictable.

Be the first to comment on this item.

Answering Questions From Family and Friends About Adopting

01/22/2010

Sonja Brown, MA

The international adoption process is anticipated to be a time of joy, happiness and excitement. Many though, find themselves dealing with stress, impatience and anxiety many times as a result of family and friends giving unwanted advice and opinions.

Adoptive parents who begin the process, anticipate that family members and friends will be supportive, helpful and excited as well. But for many this is not the case and they find that some of the most important people in their lives are making the adoption journey more stressful and some try to even discourage the decision.

While the adoptive parents are guided through the process and informed on how the adoption process will unfold, extended family members and friends do not receive such information and guidance. Many adoptive parents find that those they expect will support them in their adoption journey will instead question every new development and every step along the way. Some will even criticize or try to discourage.

Below are some typically questions asked by loved ones and answers adoptive parents may want to respond with.

1. Why are you adopting internationally when there are so many children in the US in need of a family?

The orphan situation in the U.S. pales in comparison to the need of orphans worldwide. There are far fewer orphans in the U.S. available for adoption compared to the estimated 147,000,000 orphans worldwide. As a result, there are not as many available children in the U.S. as there are internationally. Additionally, the international adoption process provides a home to an orphan more quickly than waiting for an available infant in the U.S., which in some cases can take years to complete.

2. Why does international adoption cost so much?

The international adoption process requires the assistance of many individuals and organizations to complete. There are legal professionals both in the US and in the country you are adopting from working on your adoption. There are translators, court filings fees in both countries, travel costs, immigration costs, home study costs, and the list goes on and on. Basically there are many professionals on both sides of the pond making sure your adoption is legally and ethically completed!

3. Why does the adoption process take so long?

Again, the legal process of adopting a child goes through several legal channels and government agencies in both countries. This takes time not only in the U.S. but in foreign countries as well, especially if you are adopting from a country with very little resources. Additionally, many countries and cultures do not have the same regard for time as we do in the U.S.

4. Will a child of a different background fit into your family dynamics?

If you have chosen to adopt, you have already given great thought to this question yourself. Explain why you wish to adopt from your country of choice and that you have given this topic much thought already and while you appreciate their concern, your decision has already been well thought out. You are prepared to integrate this child into your loving home and into your family and you hope they will welcome and love this child just as you will.

Lastly, remember that while family and friends mean well, they do not understand the adoption process and many times your motivation to adopt. While family and friends love you, they are not adoption professionals and are not an authority on the adoption process. Always consult your agency with concerns rather than family and friends!

Be the first to comment on this item.

How Can We Care for the Orphans of Haiti?

01/18/2010

Joy McClain

I can still imagine the stifling heat, singed with tropical breezes and the beautiful, friendly smiles; images of the resilient island of Haiti. I think back to people I knew; productive, innovative and appreciate people, now surrounded by a horrid suffering that our minds can’t begin to comprehend. During our trip to Haiti, we saw land that was being considered for a hopeful orphanage. It was wonderful to watch Americans and Haitians come together to better serve the children in one of the most poverty-ravaged areas. The children, barefoot and constantly yelling, “Blancs, blancs,” to get our attention, were a joy to be around. Although their needs were great, they clamored for our attention, they loved playing games with us, and they enjoyed teasing us. All of it caused each and every one of us to fall in love with the children of Haiti.

I had seen poverty before. I had been in slums in Mexico and tiny villages of Central America, but I had never seen wretched suffering like I witnessed in Haiti. Especially in the far-out villages, children didn’t have clothes, let alone enough to keep them fed. Their resources were so limited, yet they did the best they could with what they had; always striving for a better life. They were also some of the happiest people I had ever met; they always seemed to be smiling, friendly, and helpful.

Now I watch images on TV of the devastation left by the earthquake, appalling scenes of human limbs sticking out from underneath the rubble; young children alone with painful wounds; elderly in the hot sun, so weak they cannot move; homes, business, and lives in ruin. One can only imagine the scenes played back behind the empty, lost stares. I am sickened by the thought of suffering. I am overtaken by the thought of those who are perhaps still alive, breathing in or choking on dust and praying that someone will finally remove enough debris to get to them before they too, are buried in a mass tomb.

Over and over again, I keep thinking about the children. What about the orphans that were already orphans? What about the orphans that have lost their families in the past week? What will become of these precious, little ones? It is hard to sit still and wait. What can we do? Until the immediate relief supplies and medical aid is doled out and some order is restored, we can donate our money and offer up our prayers. But, what about the long-term? What about all the children who will need families. How will it be possible, given that so much of the infra-structure is destroyed for the usual necessary paperwork for adoptions? Hundreds of families would open their homes and hearts to these children, but how long will that take and will it even be an option for awhile? Questions linger as we begin to process what this might look like long-term.

Perhaps we need to consider what it means to care for orphans. Perhaps caring for orphans, at least in this situation, means taking a look at the big picture. Although we desperately want to swoop down and rescue those kids, maybe right now, we need to concentrate on simply helping in whatever way we can. For now, the need is life-sustaining supplies, medical help, and safety. Soon it will be manpower to clear away the ruble and build any type of structures that at least provides basic shelter. It is hard to imagine the magnitude of loss of possessions, provisions, daily basic necessities that will need to be handed out for months to come. The emotional wreckage from the trauma these people have sustained will surely be felt for years to come.

Who knows when and if more Haitian children will become available for adoption by Americans. Until then, we need to consider how we can be a part of Haiti’s healing. No doubt, the opportunities will be vast for years to come. What a wonderful gift to consider though, if children are made available for adoption, if those adopting consider giving back to their homeland. What would it look like for you and your family to serve this child’s birthplace? How could you first help those, who helped that child? As the images and wounds are still fresh, there is much to consider.One thing is certain; the people of Haiti are a resilient and faithful people. Although it might be a long time, there will come a day when the barefoot children of Haiti will play games again, flashing beautiful smiles and yelling those familiar words, “Blancs, blancs,” to those of us who commit to love on a nation and her children.

4 comments

Using the Family and Medical Leave Act for Adoption

01/18/2010

Brooke Randolph, LMHC

Did you know that the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) can be used for adoption? Passed in 1993, the Family and Medical Leave Act allows employees to take up to 12 weeks of job-protected unpaid leave due to a serious health condition, to care for a sick family member, or to care for a new child. Although FMLA time off is unpaid, benefits can continue. To be eligible for FMLA, a worker must be employeed by a company that has at least 50 people, and the worker has to be employed for at least 12 months. FMLA time can be used intermitently and does not have to be 12 consecutive weeks. It is also important to check the specifics in your state laws. Some states have expanded FMLA to also cover the following:

Connecticut organ or bone marrow donation are covered by FMLA.
Maine organ donation, death of any family member who is in military service, and caring for a domestic partner and/or the children of a domestic partner are covered by FMLA. Employees are eligible if the company employs at least 15 workers (25 if city employee).
Minnesota employees are eligible for parental leave if the company employs at least 21 workers.
Oregon caring for a domestic partner, grandparent, grandchild, parent-in-law, or child with a non-serious illness is covered by FMLA.. Employees are eligible if the company employs at least 25 workers.
Rhode Island caring for parent-in-law or domest partner of state employeesisre covered by FMLA.. Employees of a public company are eligible if the company employs at least 30 workers.
Vermont caring for parent-in-law or civil union partner is covered by FMLA. Employees are eligible if the company employs at least 15 workers, and employees are eligible for parental leave if the company employs at least 10 workers.
Washington all employers are required to provide insured parental leave.
Wisconsin caring for parent-in-law is covered by FMLA.
Washington DC caring for anyone related to the worker by blood, legal custody, or marriage; any person with whom the employee lives and has a committed relationship; child who lives with employee and for whom employee permanently assumes and discharges parental responsibility are all covered by FMLA. Employees are eligible if the company employs at least 20 workers.

Many adoptive parents will want to use vacation days, sick days, personal days, or other paid time off (PTO) to cover required travel; however, FMLA can provide for a time of adjustment once you return home or if country requirements or delays require a longer stay than available PTO. Whether you are considering adoption or already in the process, talk to your HR department about FMLA and other adoption benefits. Some companies will help you pay adoption costs and legal fees. If you submit a proposal, they may start offering such benefits of which you can take advantage. HR specialist Mary Kay Conley, CBP, CCP, suggested that future adoptive parents also look into EAP options through your company, which may help with counseling, education, child care, and more.

Be the first to comment on this item.

Adoption and the Catholic Faith

01/13/2010

Valerie Karlsson

As a Catholic, my faith honors large families, Mary, and all unwed mothers for saying "Yes" to God and choosing life. My husband and I are particularly grateful to the two birth mothers who were willing to do what was necessary to give life to th beautiful baby girls we adopted; this is a true example of unselfish, sacrificial love at work. Thank you, we will forever hold you in our hearts and be grateful for the precious gifts you have given us!

Catholics salute the courage and sacrificial love of adoptive parents. We honor St. Joseph and all adoptive and foster parents for their willingness to raise, support, and love children they did not produce. They are parents by choice, not by chance. My husband and I were unable to have children of our own. We felt a strong calling to adopt and we both believe this is what we were meant to do. We wanted to open our hearts to a child and give that child a loving family and a good life. I promised God that I would provide my children with a loving home, education, and spirituality.

I have met several people through MLJ Adoptions and The Fatherless Foundation that have opened their hearts and homes to orphans. All of these families, when asked, will say that they are the ones that have been blessed not the other way around. The children have opened their hearts and forever changed them. This great act of love can be seen time and time again through the work of MLJ Adoptions. I have met with many families that have hosted orphans from other countries and adopted. They might not look like you, sound like you, or come from your background but that does not make these orphans need love and family any less.

Some examples of adoption stories in the Bible:

First is the story of how Esther and her adoptive father, Mordecai, saved the life of the king. Together they succeed in foiling a plot against the Jews, and saving the Jewish people from death. As a result of his courage and love raising Esther, Mordecai’s people were blessed. He became second in honor to the king, and Esther, savior of her people, became queen.
The second example of adoption is in Acts as Stephen tells the story of Moses. He shares how Pharaoh’s daughter rescued Moses from death and raised him as her own. Moses was popular among the Egyptians, and eventually saved his people from bondage, leading them to the Promised Land.
Of course, St. Joseph is the ultimate foster father. What a debt we owe him for sheltering and preserving the child Jesus!

It is amazing how God was able to use these three ordinary people as adoptive parents to some of the most important children the world has seen. In all three cases, the adopted children saved the people. Esther saved her people from death. Moses saved them from slavery. Jesus saved them from death, bondage, and their own sins. Joseph, an ordinary man, trusted God, and God used him to protect the Savior of the world. If we trust in God and let Him use us, there is no telling what God can do!

As Catholics we believe in strong families. We do not support abortion, and we want to protect the children that do not have voices. We have the longest history of all churches in starting orphanages and orphan ministries. We believe in opening our hearts to those in need and providing for those that do not have means. Adoption is the working gospel.

Be the first to comment on this item.

Helpful Hints From Our Ukrainian Journey

01/11/2010

Susan and Dave Campbell

Our journey to Ukraine was absolutely amazing! Our journey began October 17, 2009 and ended on November 24, 2009. Even though we ran into some delays we had not expected, our trip was so rewarding. The director at Cayden’s orphanage was so caring, kind, and generous during our trip, and our facilitator was knowledgeable and helpful throughout our journey. The following is a list of helpful hints that aided us throughout our adventure:

We needed to buy a new Sim card for our cell phone. Our facilitator was able to help us purchase this.
Having other smaller bills besides crisp one hundreds was also good. Your other bills will also need to be crisp and new. We recommend having several fifties, twenties, and tens.
The SDA appointment was the first official order of business in Kiev. This appointment only lasted about 30 minutes. The questions at this appointment were based around “why are you adopting” and the health issues of your child.
The chunk of the rest of the journey was in our child’s region. We were able to visit him, and the facilitator did a lot of paperwork. Something to note: If you want to change your child’s Ukrainian name to an American name, you will need to have the name picked out when you arrive at your region.
Our court date was given after we arrived in our region.
We took time to visit area parks, museums, and other points of interest. We took many pictures of the region. These photographs will be very valuable later to share with our child.
The last day in the region was a very busy day. We were finalizing all of the documents and getting a passport for our child. We hired a driver for about 12 hours to take us to all the different places that were needed.
The last leg of the journey was back in Kiev. We had documents for the US Embassy & made an appointment later in the day, We had to go to the medical center for our child’s physical, and then back to the US Embassy for an appointment with a US officer. We completed this part of the journey in one day.

Our journey ended up being about 5 ½ weeks. Even though the time did go by slowly, the rewards are unexplainable. We have given an orphan a forever family, and we became parents of a beautiful son. GOD IS AWESOME!

Be the first to comment on this item.