Support During Travel
05/20/2013
Angela Simpson, BSW
 For all of the different programs that MLJ Adoptions offer all adoptive parents must travel to the country to meet their child. The duration of the stay may be different depending on the country and the added length of the stay may also add stress to the adoptive family. Traveling to another country to meet and/or bring home your child that you are adopting is a defining moment in a family’s life. This is a special time and a highly anticipated event. This event takes place in a foreign land with unfamiliar surroundings and can be both joyous and stressful. That moment that parents hope their child will look at them and love them is often one filled with fear and anxiety. Children who are adopted internationally are taken from everything that they have ever known or loved and that can be a scary time for a child.
It seems like travel is one of the times in the adoption process where families need support the most. It is important to have someone you are comfortable with who will be a strong positive support for you while you are gone and once you return home. This person may be a spouse, a parent, sibling or a close friend. Consider bringing someone with you if possible so you don’t have to travel alone. Whoever you chose to be your support will need to be a cheerleader for you, support you when your child is not attaching like you’d hoped, help you remember things when you can’t and reassure you of the real reasons why you are adopting and help you to continue to be patient and understanding. One of my roles at MLJ is to provide support for families while they are in country and once they are home and you can email me at angela@mljadoptions.com.
One of the hardest parts about traveling is the unknowns and delays. Often parents are given a timeframe that paperwork will be completed within a certain period of time. It is easy for parents to focus on that time and hope for it to be completed sooner rather than later. However, it is important to anticipate delays, be patient and be prepared for the worst because then you might be pleasantly surprised with things turned out better than anticipated. Travel is usually easier if you prepare in advance. Preparation maybe doing things like making a list of things you need, research the area where you’ll be staying, having the child’s room ready, and packing bags before it becomes last minute. It is also important to prepare your children who are already at home. Make sure to pack healthy protein rich snacks because low blood sugar and hunger can increase stress for children and adults.
The most important thing to focus your time and energy on is your child. The time in country is a great time to focus on attachment with your child without the distractions of everyday life that you will encounter once you get home. Spend this time getting to know your child and his or her culture and birth country. This may include some sight-seeing but it’s important to try to stick to a normal schedule. Don’t rely on your memory, take notes or journal, take videos and pictures, you’ll appreciate it later. Bring home mementos to include in a Lifebook for your child.
Be prepared to carry your child around. One of the best ways to form attachment is to carry your child and give them lots of love and attention. Even if you are adopting a six year old he or she will most likely want to be held. You may consider bringing a wrap or carrier with you. A child may not have been carried around as an infant and will want and ask for that physical attention. It is important to attend to your child’s every needs, don’t discipline and hold them and do as much for them as much as possible.
Wherever you end up staying in-country make yourself at home. If you’re staying at a hotel make it comfortable because you will most likely be there for a while, so unpack. You may also want to find a hotel room with a kitchenette so you can cook and provide nutritional nurturing like you would at home. Other parents who are adopting and in country can also be a support as well. However, we encourage parents to not compare the adoption process. Each and every adoption process is unique and don’t be discouraged if you find out that someone’s process is going faster than yours.
Have the right attitude. If you head into the trip stressed with rigid expectations you will not have an enjoyable time. Enjoy the adventure and time with your child, because after all that is why you’re there, and plan to go-with-the-flow.
For more information about MLJ Adoptions' international adoption programs, please click here.
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Photo Of The Week
05/17/2013
Photo used with permission.
If you would like your child to be featured in our Photo Of The Week, please email Shireen@mljadoptions.com.
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Haiti Flag Day Celebrates Nation's Independence
05/17/2013
Sheri Molnar
 For a country’s citizens, a flag is not only a symbol of national pride but also represents the nation’s history and culture. The Haitian flag is no exception. The colors and images of Haiti’s flag represent the proud nation’s story of struggle and accomplishment. Tomorrow, May 18th, is a national holiday in Haiti that commemorates the adoption of a national flag and celebrates the brave story represented by the flag.
Haiti Flag Day recognizes the revolution in which the country gained its independence from France in 1803. It is celebrated with great fanfare on the grounds of the national palace. Schools throughout the country sing patriotic hymns and hold dance competitions in the streets attended by large crowds. It is the custom for the President to give a speech in Archaie, the city where the flag was first stitched together by patriots.
The origin of the Haitian flag is tightly linked to its history of struggle for freedom. The Haitian flag was created on May 18th, 1803 during a congress held in the midst of the country’s war for independence. The white stripe of the French flag was removed thereby removing a symbol of European domination. The red and blue stripes were stitched together to make the flag. The red represents the native Indians and the blue represents the African slaves telling the story of the coming together of two people. The flag came to embody the nation’s spirit of freedom, unity, and individual liberty.
A coat of arms was added to depict the nation’s readiness to defend freedom and a royal palm added to represent the nation’s successful achievement of independence. The palm is topped by the Cap of Liberty. The motto is on a white scroll reading L'Union Fait La Force ("Unity Makes Strength.")
Flag Day took on even more of an important symbol after a 7.0 magnitude earthquake devastated the country in January 2010. An estimated 300,000 people were killed and hundreds of thousands were injured or left homeless. The flag was looked to as a symbol once again of the nation’s battle to overcome adversity.
MLJ Adoptions is proud to be one of nineteen agencies approved to complete international adoptions in Haiti. We will be working together with our partner crèche, Giving Hope, to place children in permanent, loving homes. And like the stitched together stripes of the Haitian flag, we look forward to working in unity with Giving Hope in the best interests of the Haitian children we serve. We send our warmest wishes to the Haitian people on this national holiday.
For more information about MLJ Adoptions' international adoption programs, please click here.
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What Are Orphan Visas?
05/16/2013
Michele L. Jackson, J.D.
 Often the orphan visa is one of the last items to complete your international adoption. However, it can be one of the most important and misunderstood if not done properly. If you are adopting from Nicaragua or adopting from Democratic Republic of Congo you will be requesting an orphan visa. If you are adopting from Mexico or adopting from Bulgaria, you would be requesting a Hague visa for a child adopted in a Convention country (Protection of Children and Co-operation in Respect of Inter-Country Adoption – “Hague Convention on Inter-Country Adoption”). This article will specifically discuss the types of Orphan Visas and not Hague Visas.
Are you adopting from a non-Hague country? If so, you will complete many steps in the international adoption process. One of the main objectives for a successful adoption is the issuance of an orphan visa. While there are many steps to your adoption that all work in cooperation, the first immigration step is filing of the I-600A Application for Advance Processing of the Orphan Petition. Upon the Approval of the I-600A, you will then proceed with your foreign adoption and the 2nd immigration step is filing the I-600 Petition to Classify Orphan as an Immediate Relative. (there are numerous documents that must accompany both of these filings, please see www.uscis.gov for this information).
In general, the issuance of an Orphan Visa acknowledges your foreign adoption qualifies as a legal adoption per U.S. immigration laws and your child qualified as an orphan per U.S. immigration laws. The orphan visa allows for your child to enter into the U.S and by operation of law provides for immediate or expedited citizenship for your child.
The orphan visa is an immigrant visa which means that its intent is for the child to come into the U.S. and stay here permanently. There are two types of orphan visas; IR-3 and IR-4 Visa.
The IR-3 Visa is issued when both parents traveled to the foreign country and observed the child prior to the adoption completion and the child and parents were granted a full and final Decree of Adoption in the foreign country prior to returning to the U.S. These children are granted automatic citizenship upon entering the U.S. (there are some rare exceptions).
The IR-4 Visa is issued when neither parent or only one parent traveled to the country and observed the child prior to the completion of the adoption. If both parents traveled but it post the Adoption Decree, you will not receive an IR-3 Visa, you will receive an IR-4 Visa. If the Order or Decree from the foreign Court was not an Adoption Decree/Order, you will receive the IR-4 Visa. In some countries, a family receives a Custody or Guardianship Order for the purpose of adoption and the adoption is later finalized in the U.S. In these situations the child will receive an IR-4 Visa.
There are situations in which orphan visas are denied. Adoptive parents and adoption agencies should watch closely the impact of the Universal Accreditation Act and its impact on the issuance of orphan visas. Most accrediting professionals and many adoption professionals believe that orphan visas will be extremely difficult or impossible to obtain if the parents pursued an independent international adoption.
The orphan visa is a critical part of the international adoption process and citizenship process for your child.
For more information about MLJ Adoptions' international adoption programs, please click here.
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Racial Socialization: Feelings to Actions
05/15/2013
Meghan Rivard
 "It is through interactions with others, especially parents, that children and youth gain insight regarding their racial heritage and learn to assume, resist, or negotiate the statuses associated with racial group membership. An important question is how parents of multiracial youth prepare them. . ." (Rollins and Hunter, 2013).
How do you perceive the term "socialization?" For me, it is the process of developing the skills necessary to interact productively in society. For biracial families, "Racial socialization is,” acquiring the behaviors or attitudes of an ethnic group, also becomes a component of socialization. As referenced in the quote, children turn to their parents for guidance with the issues that are associated with their racial heritage. Therefore, it is critical, that as a parent, you are aware of the importance of racial socialization in your child's development. The following are two studies that recently addressed this issue.
"Racial socialization of Biracial Youth: Maternal Messages and Approaches to Address Discrimination," (Rollins and Hunter, 2013) studied racial influences and the different racial socialization practices in biracial families. They classified three types of socialization: self-development socialization, egalitarian socialization and silence socialization. Self-development socialization stresses the importance of the individual and self-identity. Egalitarian socialization promotes equality of everyone in all groups. Silence socialization refers to not providing any type of racial socialization.
The study interviewed biracial families to see what approaches to racial socialization were most prominent and effective. They found there were three prominent approaches of handling racial socialization: protective, promotive, and passive. Protective racial socialization refers to preparing children for discrimination and strengthening their racial identity. Promotive racial socialization refers to strengthening the child's sense of identity and self. Passive racial socialization refers to the parents remaining silent and not discussing the possibility of future discrimination.
While there are different approaches, the study indicated that racial socialization is critical in the development of the child's racial identity to be better prepared for possible discrimination or racism. The study emphasizes that it is important for parents to have an understanding of how their child's experiences, environment, and social position can impact how he/she reacts to any discrimination that might be experienced.
The second study, "Cultural Socialization in Families with adopted Korean Adolescents: A Mixed-method, mixed-informant study," interviewed parents and adopted teenagers from Korea and addressed issues of race and ethnicity. Nine families acknowledged the impact of racial/ethnicity differences, six families said that there was no impact on the family and fifteen families disagreed on the impact. (Kim, 2013). The study also looked at the level of parental engagement with the adolescents concerning cultural socialization. It was interesting to note, that the adolescents viewed it at much lower level than the parents.
Cultural socialization DOES have a big impact in the child's personal development. To ensure that your child has a positive racial identity and positive racial socialization, you as a parent should:
- Acknowledge the existence of racism and discrimination.
- Provide your child with appropriate responses if discrimination should ever occur.
- Prepare the child for discrimination
"When parents provide cultural experiences and talk about race and ethnicity, they help biracial youth sift through society's inconsistent, confusing, and prejudicial messages about race. Open communication fosters racial awareness, reduces inconsistent messages, minimizes ambiguity, increases familial interactions, buffers youth from stereotypes threat effects, and decreases the effects of conflicting messages" (Rollins and Hunter 2013).
For more information about MLJ Adoptions' international adoption programs, please click here.
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A Mother's Love
05/14/2013
Shireen R. Dadkhah
 On Sunday families of all kinds celebrated Mother's Day with food, and gifts, and time spent together. Brenda and Gary Gorman of Keller, Texas honored Mother's Day by remembering their daughter Zia.
The Gorman's adopted their four year old daughter Zia from the Democratic Republic of Congo. After being matched with Zia they were informed that she suffered from a very rare heart disease. After delivering this news their agency asked if they still wanted to continue with the adoption. They did want to continue, but this was a shock for the family. Brenda recalled her initial reaction to the news, "And I was silent for the longest time and I felt like I was going to throw up. I said, 'Are you kidding me? She's our baby. She's our baby.' She was our baby the moment we looked at her," Brenda told CBS News.
Not every family could have made that choice, knowing difficulties lay ahead, but for the Gorman's it wasn't a choice. They'd known from the minute they were matched that Zia was their daughter. Brenda did the only thing she could do, she was a mother to a little girl who needed her. She spent every moment of their 33 days together before Zia passed last weekend.
"I'm thankful for 33 days," she said to CBS, crying. "And given a choice between no time or 33 days, I'll take the 33 days every time. Rip my heart out every time."
We are moved by this family’s strength and wanted to share their story. We are so thankful for the strength of all adoptive and foster parents for their unwavering commitment to children in need of families both in the United States and around the world.
Screen capture from CBS News.
For more information about MLJ Adoptions' international adoption programs, please click here.
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Children’s Books About Race and Diversity
05/13/2013
Angela Simpson, BSW
Race and ethnicity, is an issue that parents of children who were adopted internationally face daily. Often it is very obvious to children who are adopted that they do not look like the rest of their family and they may struggle with forming their individual identity. Families who have adopted internationally may receive stares or rude comments while out in public and adoption education becomes a regular routine. It is helpful for families to have open communication with their children about race and ethnicity. Here are a few children’s books that address race and diversity.
This book is great for any child between the ages of 4 - 8. It delivers a powerful message about diversity with a fun playful rhythm that encourages children to "look at their skin" and the skin of other's to see the different shades and colors skin comes in. The illustrations are bright and depict children of different ethnicities. The book begins by listing all of the activities we can do in our skin. Then it goes on to describe the different colors that skin comes in by describing the colors of deserts and treats like, “your chocolate chip, double dip sundae supreme skin!” The rest of the book shows the reader that skin color does not determine acceptance, happiness, success, intelligence, physique, or superiority. The message is that no skin is the same, "we are special and different, but just the same (on the inside), too."
This book is written for children who were adopted between the ages of 2-5. Each page discusses the physical differences between child and parents and how even though others may notice these differences there are many other ways that a family can have things in common. It is very uplifting and encourages individuality and belonging as something special within a family unit. The message that is conveyed is about inheriting mannerism, idiosyncrasies, and love from adoptive parents instead of physical characteristics. It shows the importance of belonging and how despite your characteristics, a child can belong to a family and embrace other factors that makes their family special. "In our hearts, we are the same." This book focuses on the commonality between children and their parents despite physical differences.
“It’s Okay to Be Different” is a bright and colorful book about diversity that is targeted toward young, preschool age children. The book uses simple statements such as, “It’s okay to be a different color,” or “It’s ok to have big ears.” It gives examples of things that children might not normally feel are acceptable, such as being different, coming in last, have big ears and states simply that those things are ok. On one page it says, “It’s okay to come from a different place” and has a picture of an alien, which makes it less therapeutic for children who are adopted. Feeling like an alien is rarely a positive thing. The last page states, “It’s Okay to be different. You are special and important just because of being who you are.” The message is overall positive and states simply that differences are okay, although there is no explanation for why this is so. This book may promote conversation and allow parents to explain further and embrace their child’s differences.
All of these books provide parents with great opportunity to talk with their children about race and diversity and educate them early. It is important that children recognize their differences and celebrate their individuality. These are just a few of the children’s books about race and diversity that are available and I encourage you to look for other books and different ways to celebrate your child’s uniqueness.
For more information about MLJ Adoptions' international adoption programs, please click here.
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