The December holiday season is always described as “the most wonderful time of the year.” Certainly, the beauty of glittering decorations, festively adorned Christmas trees, brightly lit Menorahs, and the harmonious sound of holiday carols can bring a smile to the most fearsome Scrooge. But sometimes, underneath the gilded décor and cheerfully wrapped gifts, holiday S-T-R-E-S-S rears its ugly head. You know what I mean!
As a former Martha Stewart wannabe, I have tried to “do it all” with a full time job, children with multiple holiday activities, a list of seasonal and family obligations a mile long, holiday long distance travel plans, and a limited gift buying budget. Holiday stress can come from many directions. Clearly, it IS impossible to do everything; unless you ARE Martha Stewart and you have a cadre of Santa’s elves (staff) to do it for you! So, how can you remove some of the stress from this season of merriment, holiday spirit and goodness?
- Make a list. You can “check it twice” if you so desire, but I suggest you simply prioritize what YOU really want to do. What is meaningful to you and your spouse? What family traditions do you want to share with your children? Once you have this list, cut it by half. Yes, eliminate half of it! Be realistic about what you CAN do and CAN afford and focus on just those meaningful items. If you use these guidelines, it will be surprisingly easy to make the cuts.
- Enlist the help of the elves—or friends, extended family, children, neighbors, and spouses. Santa does, so why can’t you? Delegate some of those “must do” tasks to others, but go easy on them if the end result isn’t Martha Stewart perfection. Probably no one will notice anyway.
- Keep the holiday color palette in mind when shopping. “Green” means use only your allotted cash for purchases so you can avoid going in the “Red” with your credit card bills later. Stick to a budget and avoid impulse buying. This can help you avoid those regretful “Holiday Blues” later.
- Decide which is more important to you—holiday “presents” or “presence”? Curtail buying gifts for so many people by saying “Your presence is the only gift we need.” Let extended family and friends know your plans ahead of time to avoid awkward gift expectations. Have frank discussions with your children about any financial limitations you may have. Don’t allow the electronic media, store displays or peers control your children’s expectations. Gifts of love and handmade items are much more meaningful. Focus on quality and not quantity. Draw names to minimize volume.
- If you are going “over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house” this year, you may be anticipating some family stress. If so, set a limit with your spouse ahead of time regarding the amount of time you will spend with family members who tend to cause ill will or hurt feelings. Opt to stay at a hotel so you have a place to escape to avoid family conflict. Diffuse any emerging conflicts by steering family conversations beyond confrontational or unpleasant topics. You can even change the “holiday tradition” and decide to remain at home with your immediate family this year.
- “You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I’m telling you why”….because you CAN help your children avoid those nasty holiday tantrums. The holidays create unpredictable schedules for children. School is not in session so they do not have the usual routines on which to depend. They experience more internal stress themselves due to changing obligations, unfamiliar settings, sugary foods, and an extensive amount of over stimulation (sights, sounds, activities, foods, and people). Schedule a time each day with your little ones to calmly enjoy the season. Read holiday stories, watch seasonal movies, make simple handmade decorations, sing carols together, relax by the fireplace, or discuss upcoming holiday plans to help provide them with structure, security and enjoyment.
- If you really want to “have a jolly holly Christmas,” schedule some special time for yourself too. Be kind to yourself! Only you know what truly helps you to relax. Whatever that might be—a massage, quiet time to reflect, journaling, exercise/walking, taking a nap, reading, or time for a hot chocolate at your favorite coffee shop—make time to do that during the holiday season. It is only when you are at your best that you can truly spread heartfelt cheer to others.
- Finally, don’t be afraid to consult a therapist or counselor if you feel too overwhelmed and find yourself having a “Blue Christmas.” Sometimes we may experience periods of grief, depression, anxiety, or sadness during the holiday season, too. Occasionally, some people are emotionally affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder during the darker winter months. A professional can help guide you in the right direction so you can more pleasantly experience the season.
If you can implement even a few of these suggestions and bring a little “Joy to [your] World,” you might just find that you will actually “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” From all of the staff at MLJ Adoptions, we wish you a healthy and happy holiday season!
Karlene Edgemon, MS, LSW
Karlene Edgemon works as MLJ Adoptions’ Director of Social Services. Throughout her 25 year social services career, Karlene has been able to watch adoption transform the lives of children and she is always brainstorming new ways to support adoptive families before, during and after their adoption.
Karlene Edgemon, MS, LSW
Karlene Edgemon works as MLJ Adoptions’ Director of Social Services. Throughout her 25 year social services career, Karlene has been able to watch adoption transform the lives of children and she is always brainstorming new ways to support adoptive families before, during and after their adoption.