For all of the different programs that MLJ Adoptions offer, all adoptive parents must travel to the country to meet their child. The duration of the stay may be different depending on the country and the added length of the stay may also add stress to the adoptive family. Traveling to another country to meet and/or bring home your child that you are adopting is a defining moment in a family’s life. This is a special time and a highly anticipated event. This event takes place in a foreign land with unfamiliar surroundings and can be both joyous and stressful. The moment that parents hope their child will look at them and love them is often one filled with fear and anxiety. Children who are adopted internationally are taken from everything they have ever known or loved and that can be a scary time for a child.
It seems like travel is one of the times in the adoption process where families need support the most. It is important to have someone you are comfortable with who will be a strong, positive support for you while you are gone and once you return home. This person may be a spouse, a parent, sibling or a close friend. Consider bringing someone with you if possible so you don’t have to travel alone. Whoever you chose to be your support will need to be a cheerleader for you, support you when your child is not attaching like you’d hoped, help you remember things when you can’t and reassure you of the real reasons why you are adopting and help you to continue to be patient and understanding. One of my roles at MLJ is to provide support for families while they are in country and once they are home and you can email me at angela@mljadoptions.com.
One of the hardest parts about traveling is the unknowns and delays. Often parents are given a time frame that paperwork will be completed. It is easy for parents to focus on that time and hope for it to be completed sooner rather than later. However, it is important to anticipate delays, be patient and be prepared for the worst because then you might be pleasantly surprised with things turned out better than anticipated. Travel, like many things, is easier if you prepare in advance. Preparation maybe doing things like making a list of things you need, research the area where you’ll be staying, having the child’s room ready, and packing bags before it becomes last minute. It is also important to prepare your children who are already at home. Make sure to pack healthy protein rich snacks because low blood sugar and hunger can increase stress for children and adults.
The most important thing to focus your time and energy on is your child. The time in country is a great time to focus on attachment with your child without the distractions of everyday life that you will encounter once you get home. Spend this time getting to know your child and his or her culture and birth country. This may include some sight-seeing but it’s important to try to stick to a normal schedule. Don’t rely on your memory, take notes or journal, take videos and pictures, you’ll appreciate it later. Bring home mementos to include in a Lifebook for your child.
Be prepared to carry your child around. One of the best ways to form attachment is to carry your child and give them lots of love and attention. Even if you are adopting a six year old he or she will most likely want to be held. You may consider bringing a wrap or carrier with you. A child may not have been carried around as an infant and will want and ask for that physical attention. It is important to attend to your child’s every needs, don’t discipline and hold them and do as much for them as much as possible.
Wherever you end up staying in-country make yourself at home. If you’re staying at a hotel make it comfortable because you will most likely be there for a while, so unpack. You may also want to find a hotel room with a kitchenette so you can cook and provide nutritional nurturing like you would at home. Other parents who are adopting and in country can also be a support as well. However, we encourage parents to not compare the adoption process. Each and every adoption process is unique and don’t be discouraged if you find out that someone’s process is going faster than yours.
Have the right attitude. If you head into the trip stressed with rigid expectations you will not have an enjoyable time. Enjoy the adventure and time with your child, because after all that is why you’re there, and plan to go-with-the-flow.
Photo Credit: Jose Manuel Rios Valiente
For more information about MLJ Adoptions’ international adoption programs, please click here.
Angela Simpson, BSW
Angela Simpson is an adoptive parent, social worker and adoption advocate. Angela is MLJ Adoptions’ Support Services Specialist and works with families throughout their adoption process. Angela and her husband have two sons and have just recently added a daughter to their family through adoption.
Angela Simpson, BSW
Angela Simpson is an adoptive parent, social worker and adoption advocate. Angela is MLJ Adoptions’ Support Services Specialist and works with families throughout their adoption process. Angela and her husband have two sons and have just recently added a daughter to their family through adoption.